During this fall season, as the church’s ad campaign gets underway, churches may experience an influx of visitors and guests. With that in mind, I'd like to tell you about my experience visiting various parishes when I first moved to Washington, D.C., in July of 2002.
While St. Alban's, where I am employed, normally would have been an ideal community to join, I preferred to separate where I work from where I worship. So, in December of 2002, I set out "church shopping." It was an enlightening experience. At each parish I visited, I would sign the registry book or complete a welcome card indicating I was looking for a church home. Less than one half of the churches I visited ever contacted me to inquire about my interest in the parish.
That was shocking enough, but it doesn't compare to the lack of welcome and hospitality I found nearly across the board. Out of all the churches I visited in the Diocese of Washington (D.C. and Maryland), only two welcomed me warmly by inviting me to coffee hour or to join an after-service adult Christian education class.
My experiences included: No one saying “hello” to me except during the Peace, and my standing alone at coffee hour as parishioners walked right by. At one church, a person wearing a nametag with the words “Senior Warden” printed under the name looked me right in the eye, never said a word, and then kept walking -- even though I had said, “Hello.”
At another church, I got lost looking for the coffee-hour room. And, more than once, I was left alone at coffee hour as everyone hurried off to other programs or home. At many of our churches, it was difficult just to locate the entrance -- poor or no signage, no doors propped open as an obvious entrance, no greeters at the door or on the sidewalk steps.
When leaving the service at one of our churches, everyone got in a queue to receive a hug from the rector. My first reaction was that this was a way for the rector to ensure everyone was greeted. My second reaction was whether the rector's decision to hug everyone might be risking a violation of one's personal space. When it was my turn, the rector realized I was not a regular worshiper there and shook my hand instead. I was grateful my space had been respected, yet I wondered, if it was so clear by the handshake instead of a hug that I was an unknown, why wasn't I asked my name or invited to coffee or a return visit.
One parish mailed me a lovely welcome letter, hand-signed by the rector. The only problem: I received the letter nine months after my visit. I wasn't expecting a red-carpet welcome with confetti and trumpets. Just a simple “hello” or a "Would you like a cup of coffee?" would have been nice.
My church shopping bled into several seasons. On my first Memorial Day weekend in Washington, I donned my jeans, boots and motorcycle jacket and headed to the National Mall to see all the bikes and bikers who had come to town for their annual Rolling Thunder pilgrimage honoring war veterans. And although I hadn't been among a motorcycle crowd for nearly five years, it was heartwarming to be at an event where I felt I belonged.
In the two hours I spent at the mall, more bikers said “hello” to me than had people in all the combined Episcopal churches in the previous six months. Why? Why should I have felt more welcomed in a group of thousands of strangers, in an environment that has been unfamiliar to me for five years? Why, Sunday after Sunday, did I leave Episcopal churches with no sense of having been in community?
How is the stranger welcomed in your diocese? Does your parish have a Greeters Ministry -- a core of parishioners who extend their ministry from the front door before each service begins, after services and during coffee hour? We all know how guests can become lost in a crowded narthex or unnoticed as parishioners visit in closed circles of conversation.
Greeting people we don't recognize, we might mistakenly welcome a longtime member of the parish. But, is that really a mistake to be feared? Couldn't they take pride in the parish's spirit of welcome and fellowship? And, if the pewmate turns out to be a visitor or guest, then all the better. Certainly, a hearty welcome is not the only factor in selecting a church home, but it makes a lasting impression on church shoppers.
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